My baby hates me

02/10/2014 19:51

My baby hates me and I hate myself for it! Quite often she won't feed with me and more often than not she won't let me comfort her when upset. In fact, when I do try to comfort her, she only gets more and more hysterical. It's a sickening feeling for a Father to hold his baby girl close and hear her wails get louder as her body stiffens and twists! An active parent can usually tell the difference between cries and when I hold our daughter it's never an 'I'm still hungry' cry... it's an 'everything pains me, kicking legs, I might lose my voice box soon' cry. It's awful. Then my wife will take over and she will instantly settle into a smily, cooing baby again. Instantly. Seeing my baby girl smile at her Mother should melt my heart, but it doesn't. I'm jealous, I'm frustrated and I'm at my wits end. I'm at a stage where I dread being left to parent alone and I hate myself for both feeling like that and being unable to fix the problem.

 

I'm not the sort of person that sees parenting as a chore or as something to avoid. I've embraced Fatherhood. Having children is the biggest privelege you could hope for and I'm hugely grateful for my family. I'm the sort of person that wants to turn this situation around and learn how to fix this relationship immediately but it's so upsetting that I don't look forward to getting home and picking my baby girl up. Sometimes, I'm scared of interracting with her and triggering her screams from an otherwise happy state. Sometimes, I prefer to just watch from a distance and that just doesn't sit well with me. My wife seems to think that babies can feel your mood. If that's the case then I'm sure little Alice is feeling my frustration and that can't be helping matters, but how can I dumb down my frustration without actually fixing the problem? And how do I fix the problem without being frustrated? It's a vicious circle that's pulling me further down when I have already had enough negativity plaguing me lately. I hate the fact our baby hates me, and I hate myself for her hating me; I hate myself for dreading being around her sometimes and for that I worry about the extra strain that puts on my wife and so I hate myself for by that point being a bad husband too. Thing's aren't great right now.

 

I love my daughter. I love both of my children. I love my wife and our little family means everything to me. The thought of them not loving me back is a feeling I can't even begin to describe. The fact that I know I'm making matters worse by letting the situation stress me out (often in their presence) so much makes me feel twice as bad. I want to be the best parent that I can be, yet I feel like I'm drowning and losing territory in this battle every single day.

 

I'm just ranting. I pray that it's just a phase. The days seem dark and I look forward to the sun shining back on them. I feel like I'm missing so much in the dark.

Topic: My baby hates me

Date: 07/10/2014

By: Joanna

Subject: Just a phase

It's probably a phase. But babies do sense when someone is tense or nervious and become nervious themselves. The important thing is that she can feel you close, smell you and hear your voice. And you'll develop that bond. One day she'll prefer you and make her mom jealous. And then you'll laugh and tell her that it's just a phase.

Date: 06/10/2014

By: Globalmousetravels

Subject: post

Babies definitely go through phases...and when they're very young it will often be the mother they will gravitate too. Use this time to connect with your son and enjoy time with him...your daughter will come around I'm sure!

Date: 06/10/2014

By: Shell Louise

Subject: .

My eldest daughter was exactly the same but with me, not my husband. I had some problems during her birth (the needle broke in my back during the epidural) and afterwards (the operation to remove it left me with a hole in my back that took daily care from the community nurses for three months to get better) which meant Ant had to take care of both of us for those first three months of her life. When I did try helping out with her she didn't want me. Those three months were the hardest of my life and it felt like she wasn't our baby, she was his.
When I had my third baby, another girl, Ant was working full time, Kaycee was in nursery and I was Ella's only carer. We were and remain very close, the bond between us is strong. Kaycee's still very close to her dad although she did get better with me when Ant started work full time and I was at home full time. She had no choice then! Ant suggested I try relaxing more around her because she could sense my anxiety. It was hard but I finally managed it and you will too if let yourself ;)

Date: 09/10/2014

By: Ryan Costello

Subject: Re: .

Im trying really hard to ease up around her. Thanks for commenting. It helps knowing other people experienced it too.

Date: 05/10/2014

By: Sylvia @ Happiness is homemade

Subject: Don't worry!

I'm not a mother myself but can only say: "Don't worry!" babies have those phases when they favour Mum more than Dad but it's just for a while, she certainly does not hate you!

Date: 05/10/2014

By: Polly

Subject: it'll pass

just a phase - little babies need their mama's more, my three all did the same, and sometimes when they're hurt/sad they still want me not their Papa

Date: 04/10/2014

By: Carolynne @ Mummy Endeavours

Subject: It's ok

Aww just keep trying and try (as hard as I know it is) to not let it consume you. I think your wife is right and your daughter can probably feel your unease. It's just the bond is stronger with her mummy at this moment. My daughter was similar. She would not be away from me no matter what, but things change and the more you keep trying the better it will be! My twins sometimes don't come anywhere near me when daddy is at home (they're 5) and that really bugs me at times but it's cool, kids are funny like that lol x

Date: 04/10/2014

By: Agata P.

Subject: stay calm

Stay Calm and Keep Trying!
One day she will stop crying, one day she will let you comfort her... just don't give up.

Date: 04/10/2014

By: Rachel

Subject: Don't take it personally

My niece is the same with my husband, she cries as soon as he steps in the room x

Date: 04/10/2014

By: Kara

Subject: Normal Phase

Don't worry, as people have already said this is a perfectly normal phase. It won't be long until she is a complete Daddy's girl and it will be the complete opposite

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