My baby hates me

My baby hates me and I hate myself for it! Quite often she won't feed with me and more often than not she won't let me comfort her when upset. In fact, when I do try to comfort her, she only gets more and more hysterical. It's a sickening feeling for a Father to hold his baby girl close and hear her wails get louder as her body stiffens and twists! An active parent can usually tell the difference between cries and when I hold our daughter it's never an 'I'm still hungry' cry... it's an 'everything pains me, kicking legs, I might lose my voice box soon' cry. It's awful. Then my wife will take over and she will instantly settle into a smily, cooing baby again. Instantly. Seeing my baby girl smile at her Mother should melt my heart, but it doesn't. I'm jealous, I'm frustrated and I'm at my wits end. I'm at a stage where I dread being left to parent alone and I hate myself for both feeling like that and being unable to fix the problem.

I'm not the sort of person that sees parenting as a chore or as something to avoid. I've embraced Fatherhood. Having children is the biggest privelege you could hope for and I'm hugely grateful for my family. I'm the sort of person that wants to turn this situation around and learn how to fix this relationship immediately but it's so upsetting that I don't look forward to getting home and picking my baby girl up. Sometimes, I'm scared of interracting with her and triggering her screams from an otherwise happy state. Sometimes, I prefer to just watch from a distance and that just doesn't sit well with me. My wife seems to think that babies can feel your mood. If that's the case then I'm sure little Alice is feeling my frustration and that can't be helping matters, but how can I dumb down my frustration without actually fixing the problem? And how do I fix the problem without being frustrated? It's a vicious circle that's pulling me further down when I have already had enough negativity plaguing me lately. I hate the fact our baby hates me, and I hate myself for her hating me; I hate myself for dreading being around her sometimes and for that I worry about the extra strain that puts on my wife and so I hate myself for by that point being a bad husband too. Thing's aren't great right now.

I love my daughter. I love both of my children. I love my wife and our little family means everything to me. The thought of them not loving me back is a feeling I can't even begin to describe. The fact that I know I'm making matters worse by letting the situation stress me out (often in their presence) so much makes me feel twice as bad. I want to be the best parent that I can be, yet I feel like I'm drowning and losing territory in this battle every single day.

I'm just ranting. I pray that it's just a phase. The days seem dark and I look forward to the sun shining back on them. I feel like I'm missing so much in the dark.