Baby has a new favourite toy

I think I speak for all parents when I say that toys are a complete and utter waste of time for the first 18 months of a childs life (at least). Colours, sounds, shapes, movements and lights... all useless at consistently entertaining a baby. I don't know why I'm suprised either. It's obvious isn't it? Why would any curious, new world explorer be interested in a talking bear when there are wires, electric sockets with switches, remote controls, crumbs, stones and tiny cracks in the floor that are all so. much. more. FUN! If you spent your hard earned money on something designed to entertain your baby then like the rest of us... you've fell into that commercial trap set with your favourite bait. If a baby is supposed to play with it, they wont. If it is potentially harmful to their little bodies then they will be all around it like flies round poopies (I have to refer to it as poopies now. It's second nature. Just like I married a woman called Mummy). 

But don't worry. I am here to solve all of your problems and tell you about a new toy that will safely and consistently entertain your little ones forever more. It gets better too... it's free and is available to us Dads only! Beards.

Yes beards. I have never allowed my facial hair to grow before and on a whim decided to see how I would look with a furry face in 2015. I haven't shaved since a few days after Christmas and it's approaching the 1 month mark now. It has been well worth the wait. Sure I looked scruffy for a week or two and yes I had   to show the patience of a saint until the itching phase passed but once established it has changed our family dynamics for good. With a beard, I command the respect of my family, for a man with a beard is one to respect. With a beard I am instantly more intelligent, for a man stroking a beard is wise beyond belief. With a beard I possess a sensory experience and toy to tug on that will entertain our baby safely time and time again. With my beard I am the man of this house!