A Newbie’s Guide to pregnancy and your partner

Now, I’m no expert and in fact I am learning as I go along. Day by day. Hour by hour. I’m not a doctor, a midwife or a student who spent too long conducting pointless surveys to get my information. But I definitely know more about pregnancy, babies and parenting today than I did this time last year. Who am I to withhold my new found knowledge from the world and other unsuspecting Dads to be? This is my brief guide to your pregnant significant other;

1. She has to pee. Right now. This very second. Trust me...
2. Morning sickness is just a name, and the word morning appears by coincidence only. It can happen at any time of day or night. Maybe both. Its pretty much uncontrollable and you should, if nothing else, feel sorry for her.
3. The first 3 months are arguably the hardest. Just because the visible signs aren’t there yet, your partner is suffering on every level.
4. She can go from normal to just about any other emotion in 0.01 seconds. And back again almost just as quick.
5. She has to pee again. No really...
6. She might not admit it, but she judges you more harshly now. In fact she’s probably fearing for your unborn babies life just about every time you stub your toe, or lose your car keys.
7. She doesn’t like her bump being public property. It’s your job to minimise this when you’re out together.
8. She’ll love you more than ever if you act right. Make an effort and show interest. Take responsibility! Reap the rewards...
9. She burps, farts and snores worse than your Grandfather! She can’t help it... learn to laugh with her, and not at her. In fact, go one stage further and use it as your own excuse to join in with some windy fun! Make it a competition. Unless you’re not too good at losing.
10. She’s more scared than you are. Don’t be selfish... don’t burden her further.
11. I bet she needs to pee. Again!