Certainly in our case anyway.
We both received tremendous support from friends and family, especially after our last child as it was so traumatic, but everyone is different. I do think that medically things will concentrate on Mum and Baby, which is correct but our HV did check that hubby was ok on her visits too
Do new Dads get overlooked?
Change is difficult for most people. Only a small percentage of people find adapting to big changes easy. Starting (or expanding) a family is one of the biggest changes you will ever go through. It's such a shock to the system! Your outlook on life changes, priorities change; relationship dynamics, financial strategies, emotional make up, time, energy levels... all change. Nothing really prepares you for that, even though you're expecting it. As a Dad, you just have to get on with it.
I don't know if it's that change in emotional make up I mentioned, but I really feel that often new Dads get overlooked. Is it because of that old fashioned stereotypical view on men? It seems that a lot of people still see men as bread winners that don't help out at home or with raising childen. It still seems that a lot of people see men as a stone faced breed that's devoid of all emotion. Our second child was born a month ago and I've only been asked by 2 people how I've been doing or coping with the adjustments. People tend not to look past the obvious, failing to remember that there's a Husband and Father involved too. People tend to forget that I had to watch my wife labour in pain, be rushed to an operating theatre and hold her hand whilst they cut into her and then carry our injured daughter away.
My wife however, gets asked how she is coping and offered support all the time! I'm not looking for support or sympathy in any shape or form... I'm fine and adjusting to our new life. But that's not to say that all new Dads out there are coping. I'm also not saying that we have it as tough as women, or trying to take anything away from what they go through. No way! When you watch your loved one bring a child into the world first hand, it gives you a new found respect for the female race. It really is an incredible experience and I feel priveleged that I got to be a part of that. They do go through so much. Our focus should without doubt be on them. But it is all too easy to overlook the man and it's even easy to overlook yourself as a new Dad.
Change is difficult for most people. Only a small percentage of people find adapting to big changes easy. Coping with that change is vital to the success of a new family. Whether you're a Mum or Dad looking out for yourself as well as your partner or whether you're a family member, friend, colleague or sibling. If you know someone is going through a big change, it could be important to their health and family that you keep an eye out for their wellbeing in the face of that change. Mums need a lot of care and support. New babies need a lot of care and support. New brothers/sisters need a lot of care and support. Sometimes though, the Dad is focusing so much on providing all of the above that he forgets to care and support himself and as a result perhaps, those around him find it not necessary to do that for him.
Topic: Do new Dads get overlooked?
Subject: I don't think they do
Certainly in our case anyway.
I think this is a really important post and I will certainly try to ask my male friends who have babies more about them in future, as well as the mum of course!!
I think you are right because the woman have given birth they are seen as more important, and new dads do get overlooked.
Subject: I agree!
I think dads are forgotten many times when there is a new baby in the family.
It is a great change and neither moms or dads are really ready for it the first time around. And every baby is different, so you need support every time.
Sadly mostly the support is for moms.
I am not sure that Dad's are overlooked. We had very traumatic births and my husbeast was asked a lot if he was OK after them. Maybe it was the circles we moved in.
I'm scared of those changes in life when we decide to expand our family :) I'm so used to my comfy life I have now so even thinking of having to share and sacriface things sounds scary :)
Subject: Do new Dads get overlooked?
I think because people see a Mother with the bump for ages before the birth and then out pushing the pram afterwards the Dad is forgotten as he has nothing physical to show off. Many colleagues of my husband have no idea he has two children simply because they have never seen them.
It's a very valid comment, people naturally gravitate towards the woman don't they.
Subject: I wish we heard more...
I wish more men spoke about this, though I understand they probably fear the backlash from people who think they're detracting from their partner's achievements.
While there's HUGE pressure on men to shoulder their 'fair share' of the household load, there's little acknowledgement of their wishes to be more included in childcare. Great post.
I think it's a great point you are making, and the more we talk about it, the more people will stop to think and ask the men how they are doing too. Society is changing and more men now stay at home but it's probably assumed they're the ones out at work. Changing society's attitudes is like trying to turn an oil tanker - it happens very slowly and we all need to push hard :)